With the Door Closed
Privacy in the bathroom is something our Western society often takes for granted. What’s also pretty interesting is we extend that physical privacy into our language by referring to the activities our bodies naturally go through while in the bathroom. Thankfully sites like Wiktionary have consolidated a list of terms used for urination and defecation.
I’ve adjusted the list to be numbered so in addition to reading you can see how many items are on the list.
Urination
- Aim Archie at the Armitage
- Answer the call of nature (or nature’s call)
- Beating the piss out of the little guy
- Blasting the beast
- Bleeding the lizard
- Breaking the seal (specifically the first visit during a drinking session)
- Change water on the goldfish
- Coffee dump
- Cooling a tire (American truck driver slang)
- Do a wee
- Draining the Anaconda
- Draining the dragon
- Draining the lizard
- Draining the main vein
- Draining the radiator
- Draining the sleepy weasel
- Draining the one-eyed monster
- Draining my rpg
- Draining down the system
- Empty my tank
- Flush my buffers
- Freshen my Snapple
- Go pee pee
- Going to the office
- Going to water my horse
- Hosing the porcelain
- Humping the cat loin
- Jimmy Riddle
- Leak the lizard
- Let er’ fly
- Lift leg (used commonly among members of the furry fandom, derived from how male canines urinate)
- Lower the water level
- Make one’s bladder gladder
- Number one
- Parking my breakfast
- Pass water
- Paying the water bill
- Pee
- Pwenk (very rare)
- Pee Pee
- Piddle (considered a coarse expression in some quarters)
- Piss
- Pit stop
- Point Percy at the Porcelain
- Point the Pink Pistol at the Porcelain Firing Range
- Powder one’s nose
- Punish the porcelain
- Putting out the fire
- Raining on the bowl
- Release the pressure
- Refresh the body
- Relieve yourself
- Running the Sidney Lanier Bridge
- See a man about a horse
- Shaking hands with the president
- Shaking hands with the vicar
- Shaking hands with the wife’s best friend
- Shaking the dew off the lily
- Soaking yourself
- Splashing the pirate
- Spend a penny
- Sprinkle
- Sprinkle my tinkle
- Squeeze the lemon
- Squirt
- Squirt(ing) the dirt (American truck driver slang)
- Steering Stanley to the stainless steel
- Syphon the python
- Taking a Chinese singing lesson
- Taking a leak
- Taking a pee
- Taking a piss (considered a coarse expression in some quarters)
- Taking a slash
- Taking a squirt
- Taking a whiz
- Taking a wicked “Yes” (Family Guy; Peter Griffin in French class after hearing the words, Oui Oui)
- Talking to grandma slowly
- Tapping a kidney
- Tinkle
- Training Thomas on the terracotta
- Troggle
- Turning the bike round
- Twinkle
- Visit Uncle Charley
- Visit the urination station
- Void my bladder
- Walk my snake
- Wash my mongoose
- Water my weasel
- Watering the flowers (outdoor)
- Write my name in the water
- Write my name in the snow
Defecation
- A sewer snake to release
- Anaconda action
- Arsefire
- Back one out
- Backing the big brown motorhome out of the garage
- Baiting the trap
- Becoming the porcelain assassin
- Blasting a dookie
- Blinking
- Blow one out – Also flatulence
- Blow the load
- BM
- Boo-Boo
- Boom Boom
- Bomb the porcelain sea
- Build a beaver dam
- Building a log cabin
- Burn a mule
- Caca
- Call of Doodey
- Carpet Bombing Afghanistan
- Chocolate time!
- Choke a Darkie
- Create a custom extrusion
- Crimp one off
- Cripping a crapple
- Crowning
- Curling one off
- Cutting a Monkey Tail
- Cutting rope
- Deceiver of Farts
- De-corking the borking
- Deucing
- Dirty squirties
- Dispatching a train
- Doing brown
- Doing some spring cleaning
- Dominating
- Doo-Doo (making/doing/having/taking a…)
- Doodey (making/doing/having/taking a…)
- Dooey (making/doing/having/taking a…)
- Download a brownload
- Dr. Benjamin Fartlin
- Drop a double deuce
- Dropping a dook
- Dropping a bomb
- Dropping a deuce
- Dropping a hoopsnake
- Dropping a jolst
- Dropping a load
- Dropping a loaf
- Dropping an otter (dropping a Leith Otter)
- Dropping a Purtle
- Dropping a Washburn
- Dropping a sewer pickle
- Dropping The Dangle
- Dropping anchor
- Dropping bass (“base” as in the opposite of treble. Not the fish.)
- Dropping logs
- Dropping some friends off at the pool
- Dropping the Browns off at the Super Bowl
- Dropping the kids off at the pool
- Dropping the Mexican Boll Weevil
- Dropping the weights
- Dropping wax
- Dump my truck
- Empty one’s spaghetti house (from Tim & Eric’s ‘Dr. Steve Brule’ segments)
- Faxing a shit to the toilet machine
- Feeding the seagulls (politer version of “Feeding the shitehawks”)
- Feeding the toilet
- Fertilising the plants (refers to defecating outdoors and on the ground, such as while camping)
- Filing some papers
- Filling the bowl
- Fire away
- Firing a Rocket
- Freeing me chocolate hostages
- Giving birth
- Giving birth to a family of otters
- Giving birth to the black eel
- Giving birth to the Spineless Brownfish
- Going Boom Boom
- Going poop
- Going to meet Jim Davidson
- Going to number two
- Going to have a talk with Mr.Hanky (South Park [1] Reference)
- Going to have a meeting with the Governor
- Going to the Library (refers to reading while there)
- Going to the restitorial
- Growing a tail
- Hanging a rat
- Harry Plopper
- Hatching the brown trout
- Hungry Hungry Hippos
- Inserting a SEAL Team
- Kurt Bevacqua
- Launching torpedoes
- Lay down some brown
- Laying dumplings
- Laying a brick
- Laying a brownie
- Laying a cable
- Laying a Hank
- Laying a turd
- Laying some wolf bait
- Lengthening the spine
- Letting loose
- Letting the toilet know who’s boss
- Letting the dogs out
- “Liam Neeson!” (exclamation)
- Lift tail (used commonly among members of the furry fandom)
- Logging
- Logging into the toilet and making a huge download
- Logging out
- Load your pants
- Loafin’
- Lose some weight (Also used in urination)
- Making a banoogie (referring to an unusually large defecation, often clogging the toilet)
- Making a tail
- Making an appointment with Dr. John
- Making gravy
- Making logs (or a log)
- Making waves
- Makin’ bears
- Monopoly
- Montezuma’s Revenge (traveller’s diarrhoea)
- Number two
- Pebble-dashing the porcelain
- Pinching (off) a loaf
- Pinching (off) some soft serve
- Pinching a yam
- Pinch-hitting for Kurt Bevacqua (a reference to the old brown uniforms worn in the 1970’s and 1980’s by the San Diego Padres.)
- Poo-Poo
- Poopy Doo
- Poppin a gooky
- Producing some output
- Pump a clump of dump out of my rump
- Pull a few cones (Think Mr Whippy soft serve ice cream, and the cones)
- Punching a growler
- Punishing the porcelain
- Punishing the toilet
- Put food in the dog’s water
- Releasing a depth charge
- Releasing a Dungbomb
- Releasing Meatloaf’s Daughter
- Releasing the chocolate hostages
- Releasing the hostages
- Releasing the Kraken
- Releasing the hounds
- Reset unload two
- Restocking the pond with brown trout
- Ride a pony and trap
- Riding the Centaur
- Ring of fire
- Sacrificing to the Toilet/Porcelain god
- Saturday morning special
- Scatter bombing
- SE (Sit and Emit)
- Sending a Fax
- Shed some ballast
- Shitting bricks (Houses or apartments as substitutes for higher quantity.)
- Showering the room with roses
- Shtounga
- Slopping gruel in Oliver’s bowl
- Spray-painting the porcelain
- Squirt juice
- Stalling a brown sedan
- Streaming Nixie (naval expression referring to an anti-submarine device towed behind a ship by a long, thick, possibly brown cable)
- Studying one’s Process Design notes (refers to Environmental Engineering Process Design, a course taught to civil and environmental engineering undergraduates and that deals with, among other topics, the design of wastewater treatment facilities)
- Taking a brew
- Taking a crap
- Taking a Critical Ambient to the Lab
- Taking a dump
- Taking a Nixon (used by Kinky Friedman in his detective novels)
- Taking a poo
- Taking a Shatner (as in Captain Kirk; would also accept “dropping” or “doing” a Shatner)
- Taking a shit (a coarse expression, not a euphemism)
- Taking a slam
- Taking a Tarzan (crapping in the woods/forest)
- Taking the Browns to the Superbowl
- Taking the mains offline and ejecting the warp coil
- Taking the morning curl
- Throwing up backwards
- Tuesday Afternoons
- Turtle time (see Turtle Action)
- Uh-Oh! (Peter Griffin again; is incontinent at awkward moments)
- Uni
- Unlikely Traveler (Defecation, usually on vacation, when you defecate in your pants away from a toilet)
- Unload
- Unloading a batch of cigars
- Upgrading my Thetan Level
- Visiting Boston
- vote for president
- Workin’ the Turd Saw
- wrestling a leprecaun